1 Sep – I cannot switch off from loss

1 Sep – I cannot switch off from loss

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So as we leave August behind, a month that brings so much heartache, we enter September, Reuben’s birth month.
We leave the school Summer holidays and begin a new term, another stark reminder for many Mummies and Daddies, that their Sons and Daughters may not start school, move classes, commence high school.
For us, Reuben’s birthday (10th September) meant that Reuben would have had another year at home and pre-school. Im dreading this time next year and no doubt I will take a sneaky peek tomorrow as the little ones start reception, eyeing up his potential mates from his pre-school and beyond.
My world is very different without Reuben, and it will never be the same as it was.
2 years on, my head still struggles with daily tasks, conversations, love, support and living.
I have learnt that everyone suffers and you just don’t know what’s behind someone’s eyes, look, smile, sadness, words, behaviors…… we are not walking in their shoes…..
Losing Reuben still takes up a huge amount of my headspace. So as we leave August behind, a month that brings so much heartache, we enter September, Reuben’s birth month.
We leave the school Summer holidays and begin a new term, another stark reminder for many Mummies and Daddies, that their Sons and Daughters may not start school, move classes, commence high school.
For us, Reuben’s birthday (10th September) meant that Reuben would have had another year at home and pre-school. Im dreading this time next year and no doubt I will take a sneaky peek tomorrow as the little ones start reception, eyeing up his potential mates from his pre-school and beyond.
My world is very different without Reuben, and it will never be the same as it was.
2 years on, my head still struggles with daily tasks, conversations, love, support and living.
I have learnt that everyone suffers and you just don’t know what’s behind someone’s eyes, look, smile, sadness, words, behaviors…… we are not walking in their shoes…..
Losing Reuben still takes up a huge amount of my headspace. I cannot switch off from loss….
I try and it’s the best I can do.
And I know that sometimes you will talk to me and I will look like I am listening when I am not, Im vacant, the vacuum in my head has just been filled with cloud… with loss…. and sometimes I will say things rushed or with little thought… as I have no room… in that cloudy part of my head, filled with loss…..please don’t take it personal.
Please don’t read into anything I say, or do, or don’t say, or don’t do… there’s no second guessing my head full of cloud……
I have a lot to be thankful for and a heart with a profound #MISS and sometimes… the #MISS takes over…
I know it’s difficult for those that LOVE me, LOVE us, and LOVE our family….
The kindness you show, “lifts” beyond words.
Thank you for the kindness… your love, words, and support and for being there for all of us…..
….
I try and it’s the best I can do.
And I know that sometimes you will talk to me and I will look like I am listening when I am not, Im vacant, the vacuum in my head has just been filled with cloud… with loss…. and sometimes I will say things rushed or with little thought… as I have no room… in that cloudy part of my head, filled with loss…..please don’t take it personal.
Please don’t read into anything I say, or do, or don’t say, or don’t do… there’s no second guessing my head full of cloud……
I have a lot to be thankful for and a heart with a profound #MISS and sometimes… the #MISS takes over…
I know it’s difficult for those that LOVE me, LOVE us, and LOVE our family….
The kindness you show, “lifts” beyond words.
Thank you for the kindness… your love, words, and support and for being there for all of us…..

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