After yesterday’s triathlon of tears, I was glad we had put in the diary to spend the day together today.
Mike’s a better planner than me these days and he knew today’s date would be his wobble date.
We had planned to walk in the countryside but swapped it for shopping in the hope the weather brightens up over the next couple of days.
School uniform purchased (x1=ouch!)
We dropped by B&M bargains as Isaac likes fray bentos pies!?!?! A bank loan later we came out having spent a weeks keep on nonsense including a nerf water gun, badminton rackets and water bat and ball.
Heading over to Manchester we stopped for lunch. Isaac’s fave… Tapas. Before lunch arrived Mike started to talk lots of Reuben. He missed him at lunch. And this is where Mummies & Daddies differ on grief and loss. Every day I have #playback a tumultuous torture of … Where would he have sat? What would he think of the food? Would they be wearing the same? Whose hugging Mummy first. Mike rarely does, but #miss was clearly on his mind and he wanted to talk of his youngest.
We all giggled about how things would have been, including Isaac. And then the #miss hit big. And for the first time in a long time, I cried in a restaurant. I asked Isaac was it ok with him that I cried and he shrugged his shoulders and said “I guess so, I don’t like it mummy but I know why it all makes you sad, I’m sad too” the mood picked up and we went about our day. Isaac happy as ever played the joker.
The retail therapy helped and at the end of our shop Isaac ushered me to a florist and said “I’ve asked Daddy to buy you flowers Mummy”
You can have all the things in the world but you can’t buy love. The special squishy stuff that makes you feel warm inside.
Our Reuben and #miss has taught us more in 3 years than some learn in s lifetime.
Thank you for all your love sent yesterday. I felt that too. It means more than you’ll ever know.
Live & Love in the moment