14 August – ‘Our lives being torn apart in one conversation’

14 August – ‘Our lives being torn apart in one conversation’

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14 august 2012 Happy Campers – Devon – Reuben on the mend still… Ahhh (This was my fb post and photo that morning)
The following is “Reuben’s journey” by Mummy, an excerpt from my eulogy at his Goodbye party……….
Reuben slept really well that night and the very next day we were woken by the seagulls squawking around us. Reuben turned over in his travel cot and looked at me.. “ morning mummy, he smiled”… come on i said, you fancy a cuddle? He piled into bed and Isaac dived in too… there had been a lot of this going on in our house for quite a few months.. even on work days we all managed to squeeze in some cuddle time.. and just a couple of weeks prior to this i stopped in my tracks to think how lucky we were to have such lovely moments of pure cuddledome… i thought that these moments i should cherish as soon my boys would be too big for cuddles…. give me a kiss Reuben i said, no he replied, give me a kiss or i will tickle you, no, yes, no, yes…. Daddy…. he said…. “kisssssss”…. what a monkey!!!!
Later we all went back inside and Reuben ate sausages for breakfast and we got ready to leave for a day out. Reuben took a bit of a tumble and was ok at first but then got very upset and was sick. We cleaned him up and took him into the garden for some fresh air, where he was sick again and looked to have a headache. As time ticked by he was really restless, uncomfortable, holding his head and a little too pale for our liking. The decision was made within the hour to take him to Barnstaple Hospital, some 30 minutes away. It was lunchtime by now and we arrived at around midday. Nobody seemed overly concerned in A&E and we honestly thought that he desperately needed rehydrating due to his sickness episodes and also possibly some antibiotics to finally clear up this underlying sickness on his tummy.
We were transferred up to the ward and it was suggested that i may be staying for the night. A number of tests were carried out and myself, Daddy and Auntie Rach were concerned that no drips were put in place and there seemed to be no rush to get him sorted out? Little did we know… As he steadily grew a little worse and was unresponsive to some tests, a CT scan was carried out. Reuben was conscious but unresponsive. He had his scan at approx 620pm… by 730pm the Doctor came to us at Reuben’s bedside and asked us to sit down. I am afraid i have some very bad news for you both… we have discovered from the CT scan that Reuben has a mass on his brain and we don’t know what it is, we suspect it is a tumour and we are taking steps to get his scan checked out at the neurological unit in Bristol. I am very sorry to tell you. Do you have any questions? Questions? Yes, i do, can you say all that again please?
By 10pm i was kissing my darling boy goodbye and telling him that an adventure awaited, he was going in a helicopter and i would see him soon…. The nursing staff were amazing and tried to arrange plans with us as best they could. Mike had gone to collect belongings and we were heading for Bristol. Over 100 miles and just short of 2 hours, Mike, myself and Auntie Rach headed for Frenchay. On the way i ( always the planner ) discussed with Mike his feelings about organ donation.. this was to be my lifeline for a number of days….

Thank you to all my friends for your lovely messages of support today. Today has been a particularly bad day, as to me it marks the anniversary of our lives being torn apart in one conversation. The dates are stark reminders of what we have been through and the permanence of our MISS….. I took the day, I embraced the pain, I did what’s good for me and headed to Seraphina for some Reiki…. I have a washing machine tummy and I have sharp anxiety pains… I know they will pass and I know that the pain will lift, we just have to get through each bit… one step at a time……….
Thank you for your continued love and support


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