I was dreaming….
I was kicking a tennis ball for a rough haired Jack across some gravel, the sun was shining, but the weather was cold and crisp. I picked the ball up, it was soggy and full of gunk… uurrghhh I said as I chuckled to myself and threw it for the dog. The next thing, Reuben appeared. Laughing at my feet and looking up at me. He walked away and kicked the tennis ball to me, all lobsided and giggling as his legs were working all toddler-ish, like they do when trying to kick a ball. He laughed and I kicked it back towards him and said “clever boy”. He then ran towards me to tackle me. His head hit my thighs with full force and his chunky arms and hands wrapped around the back of my knees as he squealed with delight. We were giggling and I leant down towards his lovely head. I could smell him, and his hair was all ratty at the back, like he’d just woken from an afternoon slumber. I tickled the nape of his nape and he giggled and wriggled and he tried, not very hard, to pull away. Then I heard his voice and my heart soared…. “No Mummy, No” she shouted between giggles. He looked up at me and I took in every ounce of his beautiful face. Then the stark realisation hit me and I started to cry. My tears dropped on his head and my whimpers woke me from my dream…….
This is the second dream I have had since he passed, as much as they hurt, they are beautiful and innocent and true and I can only hope and wish for more…..
MISS visits me in my sleep now.
LOVING you with every beat of my broken heart darling