19 June – What an end to a crazy week

19 June – What an end to a crazy week

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What an end to a crazy week…. it isn’t over yet, as tonight we volunteer to support another charity in memory of Nicola Hughes, one of the police officers shot in September 2012. We couldn’t not… they were short on support for a fell run, so myself, Lynne, Sally and lovely friend Jill stepped in…..
This week we met with our accountant to look through our audit for last year. We had an onsite update meeting at the retreat, Lynne celebrated her birthday, we attended the butterfly event at church, I addressed the WI of Glossopdale, ran many errands for the finishes at the retreat and we all tried to catch up on a huge workload….
Things continue to move at great speed and this week I was moved to tears as a lovely lady tried her best to help me with paving, appliances and a tap for phase one.
I don’t normally cry at the counter of Travis Perkins, but sometimes my weeks do “wobble” and despite the workload and running round my “miss” can creep up and take over in any given situation, day, afternoon, hour or moment….
This week I have been particularly anxious and tried desperately to embrace it, roll with it and allow it to shift.
My miss is often still as big as it was and this week I was desperate to see the latest photos we have of Reuben…..
The latest being his hospital photos… photos no parent ever wishes to see of their child… we have so many photos of Reuben, but no new ones… I was desperate to take them all in, to study them and look at him in the most minute of detail. Something that I shouldn’t be doing in such a “wobbly” week, but I wanted to process my thoughts and anxiety and you know that curiosity killed the cat … i couldn’t help myself…
My head and heart spiraled out of control and have put me into a bit of a state this week….
This is a journey of immense heartache, grief and survival a journey of loss and hope and belief that we can make a small part of the world better in his name …
I am constantly lifted and blessed by the great people that form part of this new world in which I am unsure of where I fit …
Reuben’s Retreat will be amazing and i know we will go on to help more than we could have ever hoped for …
Stay close and thank you for being there .. for the good the bad and the ugly wobbles

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