19th July – Isaac had asked some real soul-searching questions in bed last night

19th July – Isaac had asked some real soul-searching questions in bed last night

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So Mike’s 40th has been and gone and last night we were guests at the Yorkshire Travel Trade ball and Sandy presented us with £1100. Thank you Sandy, and LBA for a great night! And fab entertainment from Jet2.
Whilst we dined, danced and drank, Ali looked after our precious Isaac Bobby.
When I got to the office today, she was really upset, as Isaac had asked some real soul-searching questions in bed last night.
He could not understand WHERE his Brother was and WHY he couldn’t see him in the clouds when he went on the aeroplane?
The palliative care team at Bristol were exceptional and when we had our meeting to discuss removing Reuben’s life support Francis asked the question??? What about Isaac? He will out live this tragedy. The decision was made to ask Isaac if he wanted to come down to say Good night to his Brother. I rang him and before I could finish what I was saying he said “Yes Mummy”.
We have always been open and honest with Isaac, but the only thing he doesn’t know is that Reuben’s body was in the coffin. I had “Reuben Toys” placed in wooden letters on the side of the coffin. Isaac chose his own outfit for the “Goodbye party” (spiderman) and he walked with us behind the horses to our village church.
We are open with our feelings and I will often cry in front of Isaac (some tears are best kept private, but weeping I consider to be appropriate). I read books to him about grief, occasionally and I read books for myself too.
Having had “tussles” with Reuben in the past, Isaac is frightened he has hurt his Brother and this came out last night too. He also wanted to ask Ali did she MISS Reuben too? He also asked who was there for Reuben when he arrived in heaven? How would our dog Buddie know that he was there? And does he have friends? And how is he doing without his Mummy & Daddy.
Isaac has a knowledge that no child of 5 should ever have and wanted to know does everyone have tumours, why couldn’t we see Reuben’s and do they always grown inside your head?
It all had to come at some point and I find now that if Isaac has a MISS for anyone, we get lots of Reuben Questions. I am also aware that as he gets older his magical mind can work overtime and things can be misconstrued.
Somebody asked me the other day in front of Isaac, was I Reuben’s Mummy? I replied that I was Isaac and Reuben’s Mummy and immediately introduced Isaac as Reuben’s big and proud Brother. There’s no right or wrong and I do as any Mummy would and that is to protect my cub.
Ali did a great job last night and tomorrow will be another difficult hurdle as tomorrow marks the last date she saw us all before that fateful trip to Devon. We all ate Chinese at the Trafford centre, Mike treated himself to an iPad for his birthday and Reuben ate his own body weight in rice!
As the days tick by, we have lots of hurdles to cover….. as we enjoyed our Summer holidays, nobody could have every predicted what was about to happen…..
I’m just sharing as I know that there are many bereaved parents here too and many ask how Isaac is.
On the whole, he is a well balanced, confident and happy little man, but naturally he does MISS his Reuben very much.
Life has dealt us a cruel blow and each day we get through. Reuben guides us and as we learn, these are all the skills which we will take to “Reuben’s Retreat”.
In 11 heartbreaking months the generosity and spirit of wonderful people has taken us closer to those doors than we could have every imagined. THANK YOU. In time, we will all pull together even more and reach out, hug, hold and tell Mummies like me, Daddies like Mike and Brothers like Isaac…. “It’s ok”
Thank you for being there, for SHARING, for supporting and for giving with LOVE……..
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