I wonder how many parents that walk this path have felt the same?
My loss is so huge…. that sometimes all I can think about is Reuben.
After 27 months, I am only just coming to terms with being able to LOVE Isaac again, whole and completely, without my MISS hijacking the moment……..
For months, all our experiences and warped with a… and what would Reuben do now? where would he be? would he laugh? would they fit in the bath? would he be jealous? would he copy his Brother? would they fight? would he be kind? who we be kinder? who would be funnier? who would be slimmer? Jollier? who would sleep better? How would they both be in the car? on a plane? on the train? shopping? playing? LOVING?…………….
And then you flip the thoughts, the miss the feelings… overwhelming, because they are tortuous…
He was here for 23 precious months and in that beautiful world we existed as a family of 4 …. still a family, he lives elsewhere now….
27 months on, I am still working on my #miss and I expect I will do for a long time yet to come.
It’s the miss that’s so very painful
LOVE my darling boys so much – Today I will squidge as much LOVE and cuddles into Isaac as he can possibly handle……. gorgeous boy xxxx flipping my miss with each squeeze