2nd April – TewsDay!!!!

2nd April – TewsDay!!!!

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TewSDay!!!!   32 weeks since Reuben moved to heaven….. A BIG Thank you to Laura and her lovely Dad Ian for dedicating Sunday’s Band night at Killingworth Social club to RR ~ a staggering £1713 raised and a BIG thank you to each and every pe…rson that attended, listened, supported and donated – THANK YOU !!!!!   We couldn’t do this without all of your support……… I had mixed emotions throughout our Easter break.  As a family and as a couple we always had plans at Easter and this one was no exception.  We had fewer plans and we were home and there was a big chunk missing.. in fact that’s what we used to call Reuben, Baba Chunk…  as he was a monster 11lb 5oz born.  This Easter we stayed home, visited friends and spent time with family.  It was a nice welcome break and we got to have lots of fun with Isaac.  I couldn’t help but think back to last Easter though.  Last Easter we all spent the week in Egypt and met lovely friends.  Reuben was running around and having fun with his Brother.  He was making friends with the waiters, trying new foods and enjoying the sunshine with Isaac.  He was allowed in the kids club supervised and he had a ball.   We visited the beaches many times and the playgrounds and swam in the pools.  Life was great.  Little did we know we would have less than 6 months left with him.  Reuben loved his big Brother, he would sit in his pushchair and shout “Hand” !!!  he would then grab his Brother’s hand as we walked.  Isaac is doing great and he is a well balanced, secure and happy boy.  We wouldn’t want for more…  Im now off work for a few days and we are going to have some quality time together.  Life is hard and its full of a whole load of MISS, but we do have fun with Isaac.  I don’t want to look back when Isaac gets to 10years old and think that all I did was be sad for losing Reuben, but I know it hasn’t been very long either and Im trying to find a balance.  My anxiousness has lifted a little bit and laughing in the car on Sunday, I had a brief glimpse, a small feeling of happy.  It took me to a point where I realised that although I am taking part in my new life and although I laugh… I haven’t quite been happy, not for months now…   We aren’t sad people and that’s whats so debilitating….. its alien to us to be negative, down or unhappy… aren’t we lucky to have had such sunny dispositions… It doesn’t feel like it now.  But I am going to work on my happy and I am going to continue to roll with the punches and feel the hurt.. feel the hurt that comes from the deep and intense and wonderful love that I have for my little men.  For the little man I have lost and for the 2 that I continue to love here……  “Trying for happy” From Mottram ~ Mummy xxxx

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