2nd June – ‘Lately, I am struggling more and more without him though.’

2nd June – ‘Lately, I am struggling more and more without him though.’

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On the 10th of September 2010,
Just before 2pm, Reuben was delivered by emergency c-section.
No wonder I couldn’t give birth… he was a whopping 11lb 5oz at 42 weeks. Comfy in Mummy’s house, he wasnt for coming out. Typical lad.
I lost a baby before Reuben. But it was ok, as when I expected him I told myself that I wouldn’t be having this baby were in not for my loss and that having baby would make things ok again.
I wouldn’t change him for the world.
Lately, I am struggling more and more without him though.
Everything is magnified on “grief”, its like PMT on speed. My heart has ached without him these past few days and I am constantly on the brink of tears.
I then think of the happiness he brought and the fact the he couldnt fit in his hospital bed (photo) as he was so long and such a whopper.
He only spent a night with me and then was whisked off to SCBU for a week. Mike describes it as the worst week of his life, until the week Reuben moved to heaven.
This was the text I sent friends and family;-
” After a difficult labour I was whisked off for an emergency section at 115pm. No wonder I could not deliver Isaac’s bruiser of a baby Brother. Born at 1:57pm Reuben Michael Graham weighed in at 11lb 5oz, he is off to McDonalds now”
I think he was due to start school that Monday????
Oh how I miss every precious minute with you baba chunk…. and I WISH things were different xxxx Forever Mummy xxxx

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