31st Jan – My MISS was massive this morning and my heart ached

31st Jan – My MISS was massive this morning and my heart ached

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I started out having a bad day today. My MISS was MASSIve this morning and my heart ached. As I drove up the motorway to Leeds, my head hurt too and i was anxious in my tummy. Hundreds of cars surrounded me, each with their own stories of the day… and I wondered if anyone else had MISS in their hearts like me. Its the finality of it all and the NEVER… never seeing him, touching him, smelling him, cuddling him, listening to him, reading to him, watching him, sharing him…. Some days are just so bloody hard… really bloody hard… You never get a day off from grief, it lingers, its there and it looms and some days it hits you harder than others. Today was one of those days. And then I arrived at my destination, put my face on and worked. I spent the day with a lovely colleague and we visited agents promoting our new route and the company I work for. I am blessed to have so much support and my day was lifted by genuine lovely people. Thank you for listening Em. Yesterday I had a meeting for work with a lovely friend that I have had for over 20 years and that was hard too. Lots of firsts, lots of talk, lots of tears this week. And then the good comes in, bucket loads of good in different shapes and forms.. the runners, the just giving pages, the cake sale and dress down at new charter, the januhairy ladies, the photos, the sell out for wreck it, the posts, the emails, the children nominating RR at schools, the prayers written by little ones, the pledges… so very many to mention.. and then last night Will aged 9 yrs old, kick boxing his way through 1,000 kicks, he has set himself a fund raising target of £1k and he is over halfway there… 9 years old !!!! And it gladdens my heart and warms my soul and once again I am lifted by generosity. Im tired, grief is exhausting and so the tv and an early night looms.. another busy weekend, after another busy weekend, followed by an even busier weekend… and then??? Rest ??? Thank you for being there for us at this tragic time in our lives. Our hearts are broken, our MISS is huge, a quarter of our family has gone and a piece of us has gone forever with him…. broken into thousands of shattered pieces into the air…. Na Night ~ Mummy xxxx

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