5 June – Mummy’s blog

5 June – Mummy’s blog

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Last Sunday we returned from a week’s holiday. Me, Mike and Isaac travelled with friends to Barcelona for a night before picking up an “Epic” cruise ship for 7 nights. I really looked forward to the trip as it ticked many boxes. Rest and relaxation were key, but as it was a bank holiday, it also meant that I was only away from the office 4 days. There’s so much going on at the moment, it is crazy. The trip had been planned as my post phase 1 collapse and recharge trip. A much needed rest after opening the lodge at Reuben’s before moving on to the next phase. However we are behind schedule and it looks like the lodge will be finished in July. I did manage to relax and as wi-fi was costly, my phone remained in the safe and Mike became emergency text contact. Never before have I not used my phone for such a long time. So I did have a break, spent some gorgeous time with Isaac, Mike and friends and I managed to relax. Holidays for me are not the same anymore and I carry my “miss” wherever my feet take me. And I did miss him a lot. When you see families, toddlers, babies and when you hold your loved ones close and the fun stuff happens, I always think my “miss” is greater then. I did manage to get to day 6 of our holidays without spilling any tears. And Isaac had a great time with his best pal.
One day when we got back on the ship I looked up to the sky as a singular sky kiss became two. I thought of Reuben’s upcoming 5th birthday and when I looked back up to the sky I saw 5 beautiful kisses. As we sailed away I was dive bombed at my sunbed by a butterfly. A sign? Who knows… I hope so.
As I have returned home and continued to work on finalising the finishes on the lodge I have started to match our gorgeous artwork to paint palettes and schemes …. Today I realised that a piece of work that I had chosen for the wall of the kitchen, matches perfectly with the flooring. Detail I knew nothing of and I had never noticed it in the painting before. Another sign that this is my chosen journey? A sign he is close? That our project is blessed… we may never know.
What I do know is ….
that time allows you to build your life around your “Miss”
that friends can make you smile when you least expect it
that “miss” is love
that we are still blessed with great beauty in our lives
that I love my Isaac more than ever
I love my Angel Son and “Miss” him like crazy every day
We are all surviving great heartache
“miss” is still exhausting and all consuming sometimes
And I know that people are good too….. and that my “dream” would be to have my boy home and that isn’t ever going to be … and so my vision is to create something beautiful in his name for families that hold heavy hearts like us.
Returning from holiday is not a burden to me, as my “happy” is still way off and I am passionate about our work. But I am beginning to find that sometimes I am in an “ok” space and that I am working on skills to cope with my “miss”
Dedicated to all those that help make our “vision” happen, our volunteers for whom we are super grateful for, and the fabulous awareness created in Dubai and beyond this week by our wonderful ambassadors – all carrying out work to help families … wonderful

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