9th Jan – “I hope that Reuben had a hot chocolate and a cuddle waiting for Mark when he got to heaven yesterday……”

9th Jan – “I hope that Reuben had a hot chocolate and a cuddle waiting for Mark when he got to heaven yesterday……”

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“God bless Simone and Luke and I hope that Reuben had a hot chocolate and a cuddle waiting for Mark when he got to heaven yesterday……”
I’m posting early, as once we have Isaac to bed we are going to watch a movie and put our feet up. Im feeling tired today. I have been quite “emotion-less” since pre Xmas. I chatted to our counsellor about it. I had shut off from the outside world a bit. Numb, and floating through Christmas, Birthday’s and eventually New year. I am glad Isaac is back in school, he loves school and has been singing all day and night since he has been back. But i have missed him. I have only ever missed Isaac when I have been working away for a long period of time. Its funny, I really got used to having him around a lot at Christmas. So as the numbness lifts… the clarity comes back and the emotion and that thing called GRIEF. I’m sleeping because I am exhausted, and I am busy busy beavering away at all things RR and today I worked. But I have also cried this last 2 days. Ive smelt Reuben’s coat, watched his video’s on you tube, talked to him, studied his photos and cried. Bawled my eyes out yesterday…. and just cried quiet silent tears today… my MISS has gotten really big again….
Today I have been looking at headstones again, there is so much beauty in a headstone. I want Reuben’s to be a beautiful tribute as he was such a joy.. such a lovely lovely easy going boy with so much LOVE xxxx Even with all that nastiness growing inside his head, he never complained.
And then I look at FB, look at the donations, I listen, I watch and so much is happening… so much good is coming from something so truly devastating.. and as the new memories build without him in them, I know he’s making a lot of them happen. I am so grateful of the love and support and I know that Reuben’s Retreat will give so much. Every single day, wonderful, wonderful acts of human kindness… I have been given 3 bags of cash today…. emails come flooding in with commitment to Team Reuben and it truly does lift our spirits. WE are all achieving great things…..
I hope you like this photo, Im calling it “ I love crisps” !!!!
So whilst I leave you all at the end of another fulfilling Reuben Retreat day, I will leave you with this question from Isaac, our rock….. “ Mum, When you die? Do you come back a baddy? “ xxxx Na night …. Forever Mummy xxxx

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